UNDEFEATABLE

Undefeatable (1993) Dir - Godfrey Ho









Dear Godfrey,

I can see what you were trying to do with this film, just try getting some people who can act next time eh?


Yours sincerely,

Daz.


The story in brief

Undefeatable actually has a slightly exciting and plausible plot, you can feel it like braille somewhere between the fucking wank acting. And for the second film running there is more than a slight underlying feel of incest! (what is it with B-Movie's and people thinking about or actually sexing up a relative?)


It follows street fighter extraordinaire Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock - who bless her ginger soul can act, and frankly is the only one) She fights for a gang and fights for a bank roll to keep her sister in college as well as working in a coffee shop, of course. But to be honest must spend most of her time changing her hairstyle. Her sister HATES her fighting for a 'living' and cannot act for sweet shit, but she means bloody well so that's OK.


MEANWHILE, we follow Stingray (Don Niam) who is a right cunt shard. He, as we find out really likes steak, rape, fighting to the death, shaking uncontrollably and gouging people eyes clean out of their sockets, oh and did I mention he thinks his poor wife is his mum......hmmmm......


His wife (understandably) has had clean enough of being called mummy and being raped so she leaves him (but just to reiterate, wouldn't have done so unless her shrink told her 'she can do better than him') Thus sending Stingray on a killing spree! (But not before spraying two stripes of red hair dye into his frankly stunning mullet. Without doing this he might just have accepted the split and moved on) He's bloody killing any lady who is wearing a flowery dress, remotely resembles his wife, and it seems apparent after the fourth women killed, has a Chinese boyfriend.


ANYWAY! The town's only two cops, who oddly look identical have a soft spot for our dear Kristi and look out for her through thick and thin. SO when Kristi's sister is one of the girls killed via removed eyes and a sore bruised neck by mental bastard Stingray, Kristi now has the VENDETTA needed to tie this damn plot together! Oh and the shrink seems to know just about everyone on the planet and frankly can solve the case really quickly, OH and also, did I mention? One of the cops is a martial arts expert as well. Glad that's cleared up!


It's fight to the death! DEATH! DEATTTTHHHH!


I'll be honest, after watching Sinners, staring a unsatisfactory turd at the bottom of a shallow bowl would have gained a higher mark, but to be honest I quite enjoyed it. It had some hilariously bad acting (the worst I have probably ever seen), far too much slow motion, awful music and the BEST/WORST ending fight scene ever with the best cheesy double liner, but it was one of those films that you actually get into (No Retreat No Surrender style). Its just LOTS of fighting and leather!



15 Things we've learnt from watching Undefeatble


1) It is possible to enrol somebody else onto a college course to start on Monday, no questions asked. Not even what course they want to do. Obviously no UCAS

2) The only two cops in the city don't ever feel the need to wear uniform, or in fact drive a police car

3) It becomes apparent that Policemen don't know the difference between a coat and an actual person

4) It is possible for one weedy cop to arrest 10 gang members simply by shouting 'you're all under arrest' and shooting a gun upwards, twice

5) If you are going to steam into a fight with a man brandishing a sharp knife try using a towel, works a charm

6) Police will allow you to follow them to any raid, as well as telling you any confidential information you require for a personal vendetta, like the killers home address

7) The Police also do not need to be told any address, they will happily turn up at the right place, just at the right time

8) Coroners have no heart at all, they will leave you hysterically weeping over your eyeless relatives for at least a minute before putting the cloth back over

9) Chinese men only date girls who wear flowery dresses

10) Mullet's grow much quicker than ordinary hairstyles

11) If you want to keep eyeballs fresh, try the fish tank

12) If you are a professional shrink, learn more about a patients mother and wife, you may have pretend to be them in a high octane hostage situation

13) Police can tell if somebody is dead just by crouching next them for 3 seconds

14) Do not go near any disused factories, they contain a martial arts expert and lots of people who cannot clap in time

15) If you are thinking of a bad guy fighting nickname for your gangland money making scheme don't use Honey Bear, it has already been taken


Not the worst B-Movie I have seen, but like looking up to a more intelligent and successful older brother it's also 'No Killing Zone'.

3/5